![]() I'd then stick a couple more of these young things in every store, masquerading as browsing customers - rather like plain clothes policemen. Taking my inspiration from Abercrombie & Fitch, I'd replace all the store assistants with lithe, muscular young things with glossy hair and perfect teeth. If I were the CEO of Holland & Barrett or the like, I'd kick-start an elaborate and extremely lucrative marketing campaign. You can feel the vim, zest and gusto being slowly sucked out of your soul as soon as you cross the threshold of one, as if some kind of health Dementor had zoomed down upon you and sucked your joie de vivre out through your mouth, replacing it with a pint of cod liver oil or an omega-3 supplement. ![]() Generally, health food stores are seen as breeding grounds for the socked-and-sandalled, the hairy-legged, the old and mad. ![]() And why is it that customers browsing in health food stores are such a poor advert for the stores themselves? I can't say I've ever entered a health food store, seen someone poring over a shelf of Manuka honey or powdered flaxseed and thought "woah, I'd better get me some of that if it means I can look like him/her". The musty smell of arid, desiccated fruits and nuts the greying packets of various withering beans and seeds the assortment of tragic soy products that with every bite remind you how much you crave a huge, bloody, juicy steak the lingering odour of crushed hopes and disappointment as yet another jar of £18 coconut oil fails to transform you into Miranda Kerr overnight. Health food stores really are such depressing places.
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